Kids Will Be Kids.

Suppose you knew of a brilliant yet outspoken child who did memorable yet “mean” things to others in the classroom. Granted, they were usually in retaliation, so I fully admire said child’s tenacity and tough nature as depicted in the upcoming tales*.

*these events may or may not have happened to a real-life or fictional character
1.  Steven Korny
Suppose you’re just a wee lil lass/lad, no older than 5 or 6. And suppose due to inclement weather you were playing in the classroom and found a sheet of paper with a gigantic blob of boogie on it. What would you do?  Take the easy route, crumple up the paper, toss (likely missing) it into the garbage, and leave it at that? Or do you take the more adventurous route, and write “My name is Steven Korny (a close representation to his actual last name). This is my snot,” with an arrow pointing towards said snot, then show it to all your friends for them to laugh at?
Well how would you know that Laura**, that hideous little snitch, would show it to the teacher, and tell her who orchestrated this slice of hilarity, and then our heroic little lass/lad was reprimanded and was not allowed to pet Buttercup, the pet dove someone brought in for show and tell that day?
2. Let’s say you were a scrawny little McPunester and just walking up and down the stairs made you tired, and your teacher assigned you the job of “Gopher” for the day (aka, Teacher’s Supreme Bish).  Suppose she made you run downstairs to fetch this, and upon bringing it back in your teeth like a doggie (embellishment) Teacher says, oh that’s not it, run on down to the first floor and knock on so-and-so’s door and ask for yada yada, and say this happens two or three more times and your stick-legs are wobbling and your lungs ache by the end if it.  Our mousy little heroine/hero could not be pleased; would you be?  Now what if that certain child was to take pen to paper (actually, “for argument’s sake” let’s call it a brown napkin, like the kind you get in the washroom), and vehemently scribble away her/his morbid thoughts of what an F-ity F’n F-Face Teacher was, but -oh no- upon throwing it over to your best friend in French class, the pass is intercepted by Madame Teacher, who asks for the note to be brought forward. Suddenly as she reads said note, her eyes well up with tears and she takes a kleenex to her nose.  Then later on that day, Mrs. Something, the aforementioned master of Gopher-bitchery, calls her/him up to her desk, also with tears in her eyes, to ask if there is anything she/he “would like to discuss” with her, and to which our little hero(ine) replies, “Nope,” then sits back down.
3.  SUPPOSE Teacher called your sixth/seventh-grade split class to line up in three rows and prepare for a class photo.  And let’s say some crusty girl named Mary* saw our little heroine/hero stand beside her and say, “Eww… I don’t want to stand next to HER (or him)!”  Alas, that royally pissed off our little hero(ine) so when the class filed out of the room for recess, (s)he lagged behind and wrote, “Mary is a b!tch” on the blackboard.
How astonishing it was when the class returned, and gasps and shock horror rippled throughout the room, and Teacher’s face turned red, demanding, “WHO WROTE THAT?!” with no one ‘fessing up to it, and then she claimed she would cancel the upcoming trip to wherever-it-was until that person confessed to the crime.  Now, heartless our little friend is not, so (s)he endlessly tossed and turned in bed at night, playing different scenarios in her/his head about what would happen if (s)he a) confessed and/or b) did nothing at all.
Well, the gods were smiling upon this guilty little conscience, because although nothing was ever admitted to Teacher, they did all end up going on their field trip 🙂
*names have been changed to protect the identity of real-life or fictional characters
Now, as a mother myself, I honestly wonder day in and day out how developmentally sound my baby would be if I home-schooled her for the rest of her educational life span.
I am terrified of the day she first walks down the hallway… if indeed she ever does…

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